Thursday, October 13, 2005

Agh still sick

I never get sick. But I have now been sick for almost 2 weeks on and off and on. First it was a little cold that was a basic sinus issue and made me very sleepy. Now I got this full on nasty chest thing that also has made me very sleepy and whenever I go to sleep I can't because I start to cough.

I apologize to you all out there, I was unable to get putfile to upload "God Bless the Child" by Ella Fitzgerald and Nina Simone, I tried a couple times but for some odd reason just couldn't make it go. Putfile isn't allowing me to put my files.

Fitena I am working on your monster meme, I am about 3/4 done.

The theme of my life lately is conflict and broken relationship. It seems that if there is a problem with someone that doesn't seem to go away, you have two choices, ignore it or gently confront it. If you ignore it, and it is big enough, a wall of some sort goes up in that area of the relationship and whoever it is with, your relationship isn't complete with them until you break that wall down again. Sometimes so many walls go up because so many times things are misunderstood, or a hurtful thing is said and not reconciled that you pretty much have a very hard time being around that person. I know I am not alone in experiencing this, it's universal stuff. So you have to gently air it out, making sure you are not still bearing a grudge and accepting your own fault in the matter and that basically your hands are clean and your heart is in the right place. Why is this so hard to do?

Most of the time it is easier to just avoid the person or pretend like the conflict never happened, but then that relationship never gets restored to where it ought to be.

You have two choices: ignore it or confront it.

Is there a third? Hire a hit man? I used to fantasize about car sabotage of people who really rubbed me raw, but I never did it. It just felt better to imagine I had some control.

So what I will do when I am done with this is write a letter, actually redraft a latter to a person who has taught me alot in life, but who holds me at an arm's distance, I guess maybe for something I did that hurt them. I don't expect to fix everything, I just want to make sure I did my part that they know my heart, and that my heart is in the right place every time I see them.

that's not always easy to do.

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