Where I am

We are in Crescent City, Trinidad, Redding, and in the Redwood Forest... it is a good po boy vacation, and it is our second time here, so we need a new spot!

Where's a good po boy vacation (meaning inexpensive, decently nice, pool is a big plus and lots of fun inexpensive things to do...we like cycling alot). Want your tips!

My daughter.

I was counting like The Count from Sesame Street.

"ONE scary zombie! muahaha! TWO scary zombies! muahaha! THREE ..."

When she started to finish for me by doing the "muahaha!" part.

I never knew I could love anyone so much.

A la farra!

We had a party this weekend for A and J because their birthdays are on Wednesday. I am so indecisive about parties, I flip flopped on this one till I invited everyone a week ahead of time and didn't get out invites. We invited a boatload of folks. And they came! Our house was overflowing, which was fine and good by all standards, but I had been hoping for more sun so that people could overflow onto the porch.

I get overwhelmed at parties. I enjoy so much that people get to talk to connect and visit, and I love that I could make it happen. But sometimes I think all my guests would be happier if I just sat in a chair in a room upstairs tranquilized with something.

Our house has felt hectic, chaotic this weekend. I don't want to go into why. It is late. All I can say is that sometimes I wish I was the person who didn't seem to be phased by much, but there are somethings that throw me all for a loop, and I feel not myself.

Addy was a good girl at her party. Dad's labradoodle was there. Dad and Lynda seem to have a tug of war over putting the dog in and out. Sometimes I was glad that the dog was out even though it is a cute dog simply because there got to be too much underfoot. Addy was low key, seemed at home entertaining people while mom was slowly getting maxed out.

For me the highpoint was when our neighbors and a friend (a grandpa of sorts to Addy) went and hid easter eggs all over the house for the kids. Joe's eyes lit up. They are all grandmas and grandpas and I think they enjoyed that. Also my brother and his wife had made a little photo album of the time they spent with Addy. It was a "let's take pictures of how we abused Addy" while she stayed there about a month back. They took a picture of her drinking out of a bowl next to the dog, her at the top of the stairs on a skateboard, her with a bunch of nerf darts stuck all over her and Spenser with a malicious look on his face. It was pretty hilarious.

The party was a hit. When A came down the stairs and saw all the decorations in the morning in her little 2 year old voice she said "Look at that!" and then jumped up and down and said "I'ma happy girl!". Insert the sound of my heart melting all over the floor.

As an aside, I notice I wear alot more pink lately. A deep pink. It goes so nicely with everything. I decided it was because I am deeply happy. I need to remember that.

Baby Bee

My whole life revolves around A, in a way so but I still don't write much about her here.

Lately she seems to just have blossomed.

We play a game with her where we tell her to say stuff and laugh at how cute she sounds. She honestly thinks ladybug is merely a mispronunciation of babybug. And everything small with wings is a babybug.

One morning when I walked into her room we had a small conversation.

Me: Good morning!
Her: G morning!
Her: Ah love you too!
Me: I love you!
Her: Ahma happy girl?!

Is there any better way to start a day? She is cultivating this little personality. Ninety nine percent of the time she is so sweet it is almost surreal. I don't talk about it because I know no one wants to hear me brag on my kid. But man, she is something else. What did I do to deserve a child that makes me so happy?

I wonder sometimes about how God wired our brains to be parents. I have become so patient, so empathetic. That's not to say she doesn't get in some trouble occasionally. She lately won't let me get her clothes on and wants to roam around nekkid while I try to get the day going. She has always had major issues with having her face wiped. It is like some form of primal torture for her. She never wins that battle.

She knows the butones for getting the atencion. She does her ABC's and she knows she can get a "good girl!" even if she can only make it to G. After G it is a random assortment of alphabets. Her numbers are the same way. She can identify numbers and letters correctly mostly, but not reliably. Still she knows mom will become much more interested in her when she chooses to practice.

I am wishing I could stop buying diapers. It was humorous, the other day a mom who had started Infant potty training with her son at 4 months was boasting to me that at 18 months he only needed a diaper at night. But A, at nearly 2 is waaaay less than interested in the pot that has been lingering since October last. So I have begun to ply her with m n m's. I know it has to be her idea. I know it has to be fun. But I can at least make it more fun when she chooses to sit on the pot. As for the mom who did infant potty training, after having read about rushing the kid to the toilet when they make the certain face that meant they were doing something, sheesh, it sounds more like parent training to me. Let her brag, after all the work she probably did for over a year?

Mostly it isn't these "typical" benchmarks that are fun. It is her surprises with what she knows. Like when she tries to stick a pencil in her hair like mom and then get on her little toy scooter and says "bye bye!" so important. It is amazing to me how she tries to act like me, wear my shoes, imitate me in small ways. I realize again, wow, I am her MOM. With all the weight that word carries.

Job Interviews

I have gotten very superstitious about job interviews. The job I currently have, the principal actually talked me into taking the job. That was an experience that was surreal, and encouraging.

For that interview, my sister in law was itoning my shirt and accidentally burned it so we had to find a sweater to cover it that would match..but I got the job! I was not at all nervous because I wasn't even sure if I wanted the job.

For this interview, J's truck broke and had to stay home with A, which was awesome and made my life much easier. So I tried to explain to him that his truck breaking wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I don't know if he bought it... But then as I was getting ready, I couldn't find a cosmetic item. I was wondering if I was going to end up with the worlds shiniest face as I dissassembled the house looking for powder. I mentally recorded this second omen.

Arriving in the little town, it was like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, the town was cute, liveable, not backward and just seemed really wonderful. I got the same feeling from the high school, which was attached to a branch of the community college...another excellent feature. I slowly started to love the town full of old farmhouses and cottages and rolling hills, a drive-in theater. All this made me want the job more.

Even more so, the principal had assembled a panel of people to interview me and give my spanish a test drive. While I had anticipated a dry run of my spanish, I hadn't anticipated answering interview questions in spanish and I am sure that I came a little short for them in that area.

In fact, I flubbed enough times to warrant an end to their interest. But who knows what lurks in the hearts of Spanish teachers and Principals. I didn't think I would be granted my current job either. But still, I am not holding my breath. Especially because now I want the job...

But on to continue the job search. It is exhausting work if one lets it, I know I just need to remember that it will all work out okay. I will make sure of that.

On the good news angle, an old caretaker for A said she would stay with A for the remaining days of the year. WAHOOO!!! What a relief!! No daycare!!

Hipness factor

Ugh already pleeeze.

Moms who lament this loss of "hipness" or long for their foregone "mosh pit" days or whatever. Ladies, when you grow up you will realize that you missed nothing in this "world of hip"while you raised your kid. Prioritize well. The world of "hip" is as vapid as a smell, as meaningful as a puddle and as important as a piece of spacejunk. Go buy some flippin Pumas already if you are "missing something". After all that is the American way, to BUY whatever we feel we need (then over time realize nothing we bought ever really made us happy, anyway)

Over and out

-miss snippy

Madness

It is that time here. Standardized tests.

I teach second year ESL kids. Some of them are in an American school for the first time. They are required to take the same reading test as kids who have been in the US all their lives. This isn't really even amazing to anyone anymore. The chance that they will pass the state score at this level is 0.

So it is little to no surprise that (shhhh!) most kids just click through the test and say "I'm done!"in 15 minutes. They have learned the secret. Never mind that they read at a first grade level (at best), and the test is for 10th graders, and many 10th graders cannot pass. Never mind the nearly 50 questions with intense reading. Never mind that they don't usually know the word for "scroll bar" before the test but our monitors are so small that they have to scroll all over the place in 2 different windows to take this test. Just never mind.

I only heard this anecdotally, but another teacher, understandably shrill and about to go crazy, complained about putting having to administer a 70 question computer test to kindergartners, with headphones. Can anyone even imagine this?

It is just confirmation to me that those who make education policy (read: NCLB) just have no idea what kids are like, what schools are like or what will really work.

And by way of qualification, I am all about high standards, and I can even get behind some standardized testing. But agreed with a coworker this year, who when we saw the testing schedule said "Phew! With all this I won't have to write more than 3 lesson plans this year!"

It is true, our ESL kids have to take 3 and a half standardized tests just for their english proficiency annually to comply with state and federal standards. They are not short tests.

In other news, Addy said for the first time tonight "I love you!" over and over and clapped each time. It was awesome. I know she will be pulling it out of her pocket now when she gets in trouble. I can see it now:

"No Addy, you cannot hula dance on broken glass on top of the chair with bare feet while you reach across to pick up a knife on the kitchen counter. Naughty."

Addy continues reaching only now she is looking at me saying "I love you mommy!" thinking that if she is cute enough she may be able to avoid the inevitable impending repercussions of her decisions to do the opposite of what I ask.

Jeff got the tile in the laundry room down, and we will sleep for a second night with no door on the laundry room because we will just have to take it off again tommorrow for the washing machine delivery (I begged him to put it on, every bump in the night makes me wake up with a door off, I wonder why). I was rebuffed firmly. I have heard that robbers don't come when there are people in the house, but if they do come, I just might say "I told ya so", though I have sworn I would never say it. Still J wins the official stud award, he was not excited neither about tiling nor about the washing machine, but it is all over now, and he even painted the laundry room. It was a room we were both pretending it didn't exist. But now it looks decent, new trim, new paint and new tile. No fancy tile though, just cheapest of cheap since this was his first go at tile, though now he is kind of getting into it, looking at fancy tile jobs and making plans.

Fight Valentines Day

Every now and then, there are fights in high schools. (a huge understatement)

Today there was one right outside my classroom door.

A latino boy who got popped in the nose. Blood was everywhere. Other teachers said that the kids who assaulted him were huge. Other kids said that one kid was down and another kid was just wailing on him, kicking him in the stomach, then walked off.

I didn't see any of it.

What I saw was a kid in the hall who I pulled into my classroom. I loaded him up with tissue to abate his nose (this is all after I called security), had him sit down. Waited for security. The principal came and ushered him off.

I took a Clorox wipe and used my shoe to take blood off the floor, then kicked the wipe in the corner. Bloodborne pathogens training. Still the custodian was irritated that I used "the wrong thing" to clean up the blood.

Security hung in the halls. The nose popped had a blue spiral notebook left in my class. A gang color. I furtively read his entries. They were short, like a person being sort of required to do something that did not come naturally. His last entry, for Valentines Day, was about marrying his girlfriend, who I know he has dated this school year.

Many thoughts. Fighting is an inevitable part of school, especially for boys. They will be suspended, without exception. Gang problems in our community.

Since I started teaching I have changed alot. I remember the first time a kid told me to F*** off. I was really surprised! I did a ride along with my brother the policeman once, I hate going into places where bad things are happening. I hate rubberneckers at traffic accidents. I don't want to be at the scene of the crime. I am not a first responder by nature. But sometimes life puts us here.

I have improved. It doesn't make me nervous, like it used to. I am still not "good" at it.

So what about you? Have you ever been put on the spot to help someone? Ever had to break up a fight? Ever responded to an emergency? Ever had to be in that tense situation and make those fast decisions and hope you weren't going to get mowed down in the process?

In our household, we have a sick toddler who has hurled all over hersheets and our washing machine, of course, as you know, is dead waiting for pick up and drop off of the newbie which will not happen till Monday. She has messedup both of her sheets, and all her blankets. Oh well.

Admit it

C'mon, admit it. If a little girl pressed her face into your cheek and said "Kiss? Happy! Happy! Happy! Thankyou Momma," wouldn't you play her stupid music like The Wiggles just to see her smile?

I am listening to this stuff, and it is just really a basic cross between the Cab Calloway (which she already has memorized--ok ok, she say's"Hey now!" when I walk to the stereo, by way of request I am guessing) and a few choice Beatles songs (beep-beep, beep-beep, yeah! Baby you can drive my car...) with basic children's stuff in the mix. Brilliant, these guys I am sure are laughing all the way to the bank. Marketing. Good ideas.

What about childrens music selections CD's that aren't vaguely mindrotting to their parents?

shameless

The first time I heard her heart beating it was at 10 weeks. It sounded like little explosions going off rhythmically. After that, her heart sounded like little galloping horses. I imagined a little herd of galloping appaloosas inside her heart.