Sunday, September 17, 2006

Worst dates ever (with more than before)

It's so sweet when people marry their high school sweetheart.

But I was nowhere near ready for marraige until I was past 25. Inspired by Dooce's post about relationship dealbreakers...

Some of the lowlights of 15 years of dating before J.

The greek lawyer who nagged me about my driving while traversing a snowy pass at night. Subsequently left me alone with his friends who I had never met before to go cross country skiing (which I was a newbie at). Awkwardness hit its peak when they all decided to smoke-out in the middle of the forest with some ganja, as I hung outside of their little circle. Then he wondered why I wasn't so warm and friendly to him (and probably decided that it was unmerited and I was a hag).

One of my favorites was the date at the Chinese food restaurant where I found a nail in my LoMein. His response was "Cool, maybe we'll get the food for half price!"

The artsy fellow who kissed as though he was trying to ingest the entire lower half of my face, leaving it slick with slobber. Blarg!

The really cool, intelligent and articulate pastor who looked so hot in his starched collars and relatively formal attire who one day ditched it all for the grunge look. Bleached his male pattern baldness blonde and seemed to want to wear only avocado green items and stained jeans. Whimper.

The one I didn't really get as far as dating, because his life goal was getting a larger ring in his Prince Albert.

Another fellow after I told him drunkenly at a park one night that "I just didn't feel the same way" subsequently dated a friend and ripped on me with a fair amount of consistency. The bummer was that he was much higher on the totem pole in the job he got me (we worked in the same small company). I quit shortly thereafter to start grad school.

Did I mention the Jewish fellow who walked like a duck?

Or the really nice guy who just happened to have lost 4 years to the State Pen for child molestation?

Or the man who turned out to be married with a kid and a serial cheater, who subsequently tried to make me out to be Dear Prudence because I didn't feel like getting involved with his mess? (Also Jewish, I only seemed to fall for Jewish men)

And as for the dating thing, I am more than guilty of some bad calls of my own. So perhaps what goes around comes around in the dating world.

365 comments on Dooce's post...women talking about their "deal breakers". I can't relate to the pickiness of some of these things, for example, I married a man of opposite political affiliation, and durn if it doesn't keep the conversation why only marry within one's political beliefs? Highly illogical, unless you just want to sit around agreeing all the time. What's the fun in that?

And the girls against swarthy men, well good, I'll take em all. Okay most of em. Okay I'm married, so I will take none, but I can at least wink.

And some of the gals sounded like their deal breakers were such no-brainers (must have a penis, or must be warm, or must like me) I mean what the...? Who would so much as entertain anyone without these qualities?


Neil said...

If that guy in the Chinese restaurant was really worthwhile he would have gotten the meal for free.

Anonymous said...

Hey - I just posted about this on my blog! How funny :-) Check out mine at, and the reprise, I'm currently single, so this is a work in progress.

Rand said...

You left off the best comment. "Talley Ho!"

Adeline said...

Yeah I have to admit I laughed so hard I snorted when I read that one. How perfectly awful.

Fitèna said...

lol! Am with Neil here! At least he must has the merit of being remembered with a smile, does he not!?


Adeline said...

The crummy thing about the chinese restaurant guy is that he is cclose in with family, and if i were to bring up what a turdish comment he made, everyone would look at me and say "Why are you saying bad things about so-n-so?"