Outdone

You are a Black Coffee

At your best, you are: low maintenance, friendly, and adaptable At your worst, you are: cheap and angsty You drink coffee when: you can get your hands on it Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Chucheria has once again put up a highly worthy read, has seen me and raised me on the coffee story. Good stuff!

So I don't exactly agree with this me being a black coffee person, cheap and angsty. But whatever. Vietnamese iced coffee, wow, yes, that stuff is amazing. J always brings me my coffee as I get ready in the AM, then goes to make my lunch.

Today my thoughts were about taking offense.

Let's be offended.

I am in charge of this thing that lately has gotten somewhat out of control based on decisions other people made. I deal with kids, little ones, in a nursery and round about September, my number of kids doubled. Chaos ensued.

Toddlers were stepping on infants, a young mother had a baby girl who at 11 months was still spitting up constantly (all over a new carpet), there was a 2 year old that was not only big, but into everything. We were moved to a temporary location, moved back and for several weeks every time I went into the nursery all the furniture was changed around. One week, they had taken away all my chairs. Never was I informed of any of these changes. The nursery, which I had done for months previous, was fine, suddenly became a nightmare of impending accidents, haphazard security and surprises galore for me.

After about 4 months of the surprises not letting up, I finally kind of let out a controlled eruption in the form of a letter to higher ups. It wasn't snarky, rude or otherwise inappropriate, I made some bullet points of help I needed. Help came and didn't come, eventually. Only one woman shot back a laconic and not particularly helpful response (which I chose to ignore).

I repeated to myself
forgetaboutitforgetaboutitforgetaboutit

I want to be like B who is calm, gentle and easy.

This past week we announced a training for the nursery, we never do these. A singular event. Who knows how many people will come. One woman emailed back directly and "quit". In a deferential attempt to make peace, I asked her if everything was okay because I didn't want her going away mad. She said

It just wasn't fun anymore.

So this comment has been ringing around in my head. It's just not fun anymore. Gee. If I had been allowed to just quit when it wasn't fun anymore, I probably never would have taken on the nursery. But I knew A would be in there so it seemed appropriate for someone with a kid in there to be looking after things. Plus I was asked to and I knew the person in charge needed to be relieved. I took it as sort of a favor, a duty.

I repeated to myself
forgetaboutitforgetaboutitforgetaboutit

Politics. I don't expect the worst from people, but I have learned enough to know that everyone, in order to get along, needs other people to not make a list of wrongs about them. Real or imagined. I think some people do make these mental lists. People will fault another for something that is sort of absurd or nonexistant or just generally silly. Sometimes the fault is very real though. And then they will distance themself from the other on this basis.

Can anyone concur here? That people do this?

I know that people will do stuff that bugs me, maybe offends me, will hit me when I am too sensitive and that it is important that I just plain forget about it. At times I have gone from being too sensitive to being plain old totally insensitive to insult. I do this for one reason.

Because I need people to overlook my faults too. Real faults and imagined ones too. I have enough. Okay, alot.

When the nursery started getting crazy, I started getting sort of irritated. I did my best to just let it go. But sometimes, like when all the furniture disappeared, it felt flat out ridiculous. I wasn't yelling, but my stress level was palpable. I wasn't slamming, I wasn't DOING anything wrong, but anyone could tell I was, let's say, a little less than laid back.

It wasn't fun anymore, but that wasn't what it was about. Frankly, what it was about was responsibility and taking good care of children. Period.

So just forgetaboutit.

I am still there, things are mellowing out and I am glad I have ridden out this storm, and I hope there will be no more surprises.

But in working with people at various jobs (over the course of 20 years), having friends and being parts of groups, I know people will do stuff that hurts, bothers, frustrates, and sometimes offends. And I also know that I have to let it slide. There is no use in making a list of wrongs about anyone. Ever. Especially when the bigger goal is just to get along. I am so grateful for my coworker in the nursery M, who seems to go with this as well. After awhile though, I get to know who is on my side and who is not. To be honest, people often times totally mystify me. Why they are nice to some and not others sometimes defies all logic.

Hence, I am not really very good at politics. All I know is that it is best to do as many nice things for as many people as you can, and do them for the ones you don't really like too. Then don't expect anything in return.

And be nice to the custodians, for crying out loud, be really nice to the custodians.